the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
