Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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