I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
