hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
