i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
