woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize