Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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