You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
