and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
