Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
