I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
