I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
