There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
