Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We need to rekindle our bromance
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
