thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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