Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
