you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
