I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
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Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
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his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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