Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
