Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
