I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
