I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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