Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
