The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
