I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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