well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
