Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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