AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
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Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
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bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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