Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
