Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We smell like vodka and hangover
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