I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
