Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
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we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
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I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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