Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I don't think brook has ever known best
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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