think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
