Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
