I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
