you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
