i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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