Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
