dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
