i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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