Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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