so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
