It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
