3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
