can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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