I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
