are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Apparently you make a good broom.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
