Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
