I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
