Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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