He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
