I'm so fucking centered right now
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
