so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
