I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
you're hired as official boob wrangler
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
