NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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