my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
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he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
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Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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