I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
