I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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