Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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