Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
