remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
bring money and cleavage
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
