i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
