Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
