I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Apparently you make a good broom.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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