so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
