WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
