my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
